Hi everyone. It’s Twilife.
Today, we’re sharing the things we
“wish we knew” before building our custom home.
We are incredibly happy with how our home turned out.
However, looking back on the building process…
“We could have saved so much time stressing,”
“Meetings could have gone smoother,”
“We might have avoided some minor regrets,”
We had these thoughts quite a few times.
Building a house is a fun time, but at the same time,
it’s an endless series of decisions—far more than we ever imagined.
1. Land or Builder: Which Comes First?
When you first decide to build a house, this is the very first hurdle.
If you look online, you’ll see a lot of advice saying:
“Decide on a builder first, and search for land together.”
It’s a very common opinion.
We initially thought the same thing.
But when we actually visited builders without having land, we hit a “wall.”
Are Builders Less Enthusiastic?
Even when visiting a builder without land secured,
the sales rep’s reaction was surprisingly sluggish.
They are polite enough face-to-face,
and they do say they’ll look for land for us, but…
Their response time was poor, and the overall vibe just wasn’t very proactive.
Thinking about it, it makes total sense.
It’s a business, so they should prioritize “people with land who are definitely going to build.”
Land hunting can sometimes take years,
so if you don’t currently have land, it’s inevitable that you’re seen as a lower-probability prospect.
The main cases where builders get actively involved in land hunting
are usually when they own a lot of subdivided plots in your desired area
(though of course, there are exceptions).
The Biggest Trap: The Vicious Cycle
So, should you just find land on your own first? It’s not that simple either.
Herein lies the biggest trap.
The problem arises when you try to get a mortgage.
For a mortgage approval,you need a basic outline of the building (estimates and floor plans),sothe builder’s cooperationis absolutely essential. And yet,the builderwon’t take youseriouslywithout “land”.
In addition to this “chicken or the egg” vicious cycle,
you won’t even know what kind of land can accommodate your ideal floor plan
without getting advice from a builder first, right?
As for how we managed to escape this “land-hunting dilemma (vicious cycle),”
we explain our real-life solution in detail in a separate article.
＼ How We Broke Out of the Vicious Cycle ／
Anyway, we never anticipated a trap like this,
so looking back, this might have been the hardest part of our entire home-building journey.
We truly hope you don’t make the same mistakes we did.
The early stages of building a home require a ton of energy just to gather information.If you’re feeling anxious about going straight to a model home park, or want to broadly know what kind of land and used properties are out there, we highly recommend utilizing bulk catalog request services to efficiently gather info.
(We actually considered buying an old house and tearing it down as a route, too!)
2. It’s an Emotional Rollercoaster
Next, let’s talk about mental health.
The biggest realization we had during the build was:
“The more yousearch for ‘perfect,’the more painful it becomes.”
That was the truth.
Social media, in particular, is a treasure trove of inspiration, but
the more you look, the more your ideals infinitely expand with “Oh, that’s nice,” and “I want that too.”
Before you know it, you’re constantly agonizing over “Isn’t there a better option?” and become completely paralyzed.
Just like finding land, a 100% perfect home doesn’t exist.
They often say land hunting is the process of finding an 80/100 within the strict constraints of size, budget, and location.
Building a home is exactly the same—you move forward by compromising with yourself
amidst constraints like budget, time, and what is actually physically possible.
There are definitely things we really wanted to do but had to give up on,
and there are more than a couple of things we now regret and wish we had done differently.
- Set a deadline for your agonizing: Once you decide “I will choose by this date,” never look back after the decision is made.
- Don’t over-compare: Stop comparing your home to others, and only focus on whether it fits “your lifestyle.”
Just beingmindful of these thingsdrasticallyreduced ourmental burden.
3. Chemistry with Your Team is Everything
After finishing our build, we truly realized that more than “which builder you choose,” “who you build with” is what truly matters.
Our house required,
- Plaster-likewall textures
- A massive amountof client-supplied items
- A custom-built kitchen
- Beautifully curvedR-walls (arches)
- An overly meticulouswiring plan
among other things,making it a home witha LOT of very specific requests.
Without quick responses to our requests and the understanding to grasp our tastes, realizing this vision would have been impossible.
With a builder weconsidered beforeSumitomo Forestry,they constantly pushedproposals that felt like“look at our design”rather than listening to us, andwith every meeting,it driftedfurther and furtherfrom our vision.
The sales rep and architect we met at Sumitomo Forestry,
were incredibly responsive and deeply understood our values.
As we had more meetings, they consistently proposed ideal designs that exceeded our expectations in the best way possible.
Thanks to them, we were able to proceed with our home build with complete peace of mind.
There were twists and turns, but thanks to finding a trustworthy team, we safely reached the start of construction.
We documented that day in this Vlog.
＼ We Can Introduce Our Team! ／
If you are currently considering building with Sumitomo Forestry, we can introduce you to the wonderful sales rep, architect, and interior coordinator (IC) who supported our build.
If you want to work with an elite team, feel free to reach out via the contact page below!
4. You Can’t Build an Ideal Home by Being Passive
Thinking “I’m paying a lot of money” or “They are the professionals,”
and just passively accepting whatever they propose is dangerous.
It’s true that actively participating in your home build requires a massive amount of studying and input.
- Insulation performance of floors, walls, and windows
- Ceiling heights
- Ventilation systems
- Flooring materials
- Wiring plans
- Lighting plans
- Kitchen, toilet, bath, and solar equipment
The list is endless, but I believe obsessing over every single detail is the true benefit of building a custom home.
If you just throw it all to the builder, miscommunications will inevitably happen, potentially causing trouble.
You will end up moving further away from your ideal home.
You know your ideal lifestyle better than anyone else.
That’s exactly why taking the initiative is paramount.
Building a home isn’t a master-servant relationship; you move forward as one team, and you are a vital part of it.
5. Building a House is a Test of Endurance
On the way home from our very first meeting,
I still clearly remember thinking, “Is building a house really this exhausting?”
Deciding on the floor plans and materials you’ve always dreamed of
should be a fun time, yet I felt completely drained.
The reason is simple: the sheer volume of decisions you have to make is overwhelming.
Our meetings averaged about 4 hours,
and sometimes stretched over 5 hours.
(Our architect told us some clients have meetings from morning until late at night…)
As someone who usually works from home at my own pace,
it took me a while to get used to an environment where you sit and discuss things for hours on end.
- Prepare fora marathon: Just knowing it will be long makes itmentallymuch easier.
- Bringsnacks: Sugar, like gummiesor rice balls,was an absolutemust-have for maintaining focus.
- Always confirm thenext steps: Bookingshowroom visits on the spot,ordiscussing things as a coupleonce you get homemakes the next meeting much smoother.
It’s not just meetings; there are also endless trips to showrooms and model homes.
In our case, we had a meeting with Sumitomo Forestry every Friday night, and
spent our weekends visiting various showrooms—a routine we kept up for over six months.
Mentally and physically, custom homes truly drain your stamina.
Furniture Hunting is Also a Test of Endurance
Alongside meetings, hunting for furniture and interior decor for the new house was another endurance test.
We spent every weekend visiting antique shops and furniture showrooms.
Especially for long-lasting pieces like sofas and dining tables, seeing them in person to check the comfort and texture is crucial.
Here are some of our absolute favorite furniture and interior shops that we constantly browsed during our build.
- Fuji Furniture
A beloved brand that shines with curved beauty and craftsmanship. The sitting comfort of their Nagi sofa is unmatched. - MASTERWAL
We love the sitting comfort and simple look of the Danish Grande. The fact that it can be made into an L-shape is a great bonus. - +Casa
An authorized retailer for Ligne Roset. If you’re buying Ligne Roset online, we highly recommend this trusted store. - FLYMEe
We bought our HAY paper shade lamp here. It’s incredibly handy when searching for stylish interior goods. - KuHoN
They specialize in Scandinavian furniture, and we often browse here for chairs and tables. - Asia Kobo
A shop featuring handmade, natural material furniture that also beautifully suits Southern European styles.
6. Checking Samples is an Absolute Must
Wallpaper, curtains, flooring, tiles, lighting…
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, there are a mountain of things to decide.
As you near the end, you run out of time and energy, and it’s tempting to just say, “Yeah, that’s fine.”
However,if you feel“this isn’t the vibeI expected” after it’s built,the responsibilitygenerallyfalls on you (the client) once the contract is signed.
The impression of a tiny sample completely changes when applied to a massive surface area.
That’s exactly why checking physical samples is the bare minimum, and visiting a showroom in person is highly recommended.
- Alwaysrequest physical samples
- Go to showroomsif possible
- Look at large-format samplesand actual installation examples
For our home, we ordered a massive amount of tile samples. We didn’t just check the design and how they looked under different lighting; we actually poured oil and seasonings on them to verify how easy they were to clean before making our final choice.
＼ Details on Our Carefully Selected Tiles ／
7. “We Can’t Do That” Will Inevitably Happen
As you proceed with meetings, it’s very common to experience: “Even though they did it for another house with the exact same builder, they refused to do it for ours.”
There are countless instances where something is featured in the builder’s model home, but they tell you it’s impossible for your actual build.
Often, safety standards are revised, meaning what was possible yesterday suddenly isn’t today.
We experienced this firsthand. After construction started, we visited a friend’s house and saw they had a “flat transition between the living room and courtyard”—something we were previously told was impossible. Seeing it with our own eyes, we brought it up to our team again as a Hail Mary.
In this case, because it fell under exterior landscaping work, they somehow managed to make it happen…
But there were plenty of others:
- We couldn’t make our washing machine waterproof pan movable, even though we showed them examples.
- We couldn’t get a completely flat entryway, despite showing examples.
- They refused to let us plant a real tree directly inside the house.
- We couldn’t get floor-to-ceiling windows for the courtyard.
The list goes on and on… lol.
Conversely, there might be specs in our home that other people get rejected for.
Of course, due to land conditions or budget,some thingsgenuinely areimpossible. That’s exactly whywe learned how important it is to ask “Why is it impossible?”,consult with them early, andonly move forward onceyou are fully convinced.
＼ We Changed the Living Room & Courtyard to a Flat Transition Mid-Construction ／
Conclusion
Because custom homes offerso much freedom,they requireendless decisions.
Because of this:
- How you gatherinformation
- Your criteriafor making decisions
- Managing yourmental health
Whether youknow these things or notdrastically changeshow satisfied you will bewith the final result.
We hope this helpsreduce even a little bit of anxietyfor thosejust startingtheir home-building journey.
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